I didn’t know what church was, really, for the first few years of my life. I don’t think I ever really believed in religion from the very beginning. I was sort of a member of the LDS church for a while. I loved going to church, but my reason for loving it was because I loved to sing--and that’s about all we ever did in Primary. When I turned eight, I remember that the only reason I really got baptized was because baptisms were done the first Saturday of the month--the day of my birthday that year. The next oldest person in my age group was three days younger than me, so I decided to be baptized then just because I wanted to be the cool kid for a while, with all the glory of being baptized first. I went to church later on simply because that’s what my friends in the neighborhood were doing, and I wanted to hang out with my friends.
Because of my religious experiences, I would like for Max to make his own decisions about religion. Ryan and I have decided not to raise him in any particular church--we will raise him right and teach him the difference between good and bad. We will teach him how to make good decisions. If he wants to explore churches, Ryan and I will go with him to church meetings so he can learn about them. If he chooses to become a member of a church when he gets older, we will whole-heartedly support his decision, because it will be his decision. I think that if he makes the decision to join a church, it will be a good decision. If he makes this decision, it will mean that he actually took the time to study and learn about a religion himself and that he truly believes in it rather than believing in it because he’s been told that “this church is true” his whole life. And I’m not saying that that’s wrong--it’s just not what I want for my child.
Unfortunately, because we live where we do, Maximus is going to face some challenges. Not considering ourselves members of the LDS church, Ryan and I have faced a number of obstacles that Max will doubtless encounter himself. There are people who won’t let their kids play at other kids’ houses if they don’t go to church. Sometimes, you are just kind of shunned. And it sucks, because not being religious definitely does not make you a bad person. But I guess that’s just kind of the culture here in Happy Valley. I was also told as a kid that my parents were going to be the slaves of all their parents because mine hadn’t been sealed in the LDS Temple. Most of my experiences in the church didn’t leave me with good feelings towards many of its members. I think it might be hard for Max to watch some of his cousins growing up in the church--watching them being baptized and the seeing the love and celebrations that go in hand with it may leave him feeling left out or unloved. It could be really hard for him. I truly hope that he will always know his family loves him.
Ryan and I don’t know any of our neighbors because we don’t go to church. A few weeks ago, I walked out our front door and started walking along the sidewalk with Max in my arms. One of our neighbors was talking to someone on her porch. Her kids were playing on the sidewalk and the woman yelled at them to get inside. She gave me a funny look and after I’d passed their house, they were back on the sidewalk…
Anyhow, we decided to put one of my old teenage thoughts into action. This thought was a Blessing Jar. I had a baby blessing after I was born, and I’m sure Ryan did, too. But I always thought it would be cool to have people write down thoughts or prayers or messages for my children and put them in a jar for them to keep forever. This way they can always know that these people loved them and cared for them. They will have written messages of love from their great-grandparents to remember them by and to hold close to their hearts. It’s something that will still be a part of their lives when they are too old to remember their blessing days.
This is the invitation that Ryan and I sent out to our families and friends…
The blessing day was great. It was this last Saturday. The weather was perfect--not too hot and not too cold. Not windy, not rainy. It was a great day. I spent the whole day Friday making Pumpkin Cookies with Browned Butter Frosting, Devil’s Food Cupcakes with Caramel Frosting, and my family’s classic Texas Brownies (though they never look perfect when I make them…). We had a whole bunch of soda and bottled water, too. 48 people were expected to be there, though only 21 showed up, plus Ryan, Max, and me. So Ryan and I ended up with lots of leftovers!
I’m a terrible public speaker, but I thought I’d outgrown my fear of speaking in front of family. Apparently I haven’t. Ryan and I got up to read our blessings to Maximus aloud. My voice trembled to whole time. I read my blessing first. This is what I wrote:
Sunday, October 10, 2010
My Dearest Maximus,
I have been blessed with many things in my life, and one of my greatest blessings has been you.
When you were born and the doctors showed you to me at last, I felt a sudden surge of relief. After all the time your father and I had waited and had been told there was a chance we wouldn’t get to meet you, I was so happy to see that you were finally, actually here, and that you were okay.
I wish so many great things for you in your life. Love, happiness, and health are some of the most important things I wish for you, but there are many other things as well.
I hope your life is good. I hope your dad and I can teach you to live well and to make good choices. I hope we can teach you to become a good, independent person. And I hope that as we make mistakes along the way, you can forgive us for them.
I hope you will have the strength to overcome the obstacles that come your way. I hope you will be able to stand up for the things you believe in and shout out against the things that are wrong. I hope that you will learn from each of these obstacles and that you become a better person for them. Many people will challenge you, but I hope you will always be true to yourself and not let others sway you to become someone you don’t want to be.
I hope that you will always be healthy and happy. These are two of the most important things to me in your life. I promise to do my best to keep you healthy while you are young and I hope that your father and I can teach you to care for yourself as you grow. I hope that Daddy and I can provide you with happiness during your early years and that we can teach you to find happiness for yourself in your later years.
I hope you get to experience all the wonderful things I have been able to experience in my life. The love I have your father and the love I feel from him is indescribable, and I hope that someday you will find someone who offers you these same feelings. The love and joy I have felt as a mother thus far is incredible and deep. I hope that someday you get to become a parent and experience the love and joy I feel for you, too.
Most importantly, I hope you will always know that you are loved. No matter what you do, no matter what choices you make, I will love you. My love for you is unconditional and will never end. You are the most precious thing in my life and I will always love you.
Love always,
Mom
This is what Ryan wrote:
Friday, October 15, 2010
Maximus,
You are a fortunate child to have a mother like Aubrey, as I am fortunate to have her as my wife.
I want for you to have all the happiness in the world. In this day and age, happiness seems hard to come by. The only advice I have is not to judge anyone—instead, try to understand their points of view. You cannot know the truth without knowing the circumstances. Happiness is found in your own world views. Fulfilling everyone else's idea of what you should be or have will bring nothing but a longing for more.
Sustaining love and growth in the heart is what I wish for you. I hope you will realize that love is the only thing that really matters. It can be presented in so many forms, but love it is the universal truth of life.
I hope you will learn and receive all of the lessons life has to give. Though some may be hard, the experience is necessary to adapt to and make sense of the world. At times you will be confused and frustrated. Turn to the guidance of your loved ones—age means experience, and experience equals wisdom.
I wish for you to live a rich and happy life full of love and unforgettable experiences. When your mother and I decided to have you, of course I was nervous. But little did I know how special you would be and how much I would love you.
Your mother will always be there for you. Listen to her and learn from her love—it is infinite as is my love or you. I was fortunate enough to have a great father, and I hope I can do the same for you my father has done for me.
I wish you all the best things life has to offer and I will always love you and be proud of you.
Love always,
Dad (The Man)
P.S. Oh Yeah!
We were glad that to have the people who did come there that day, and we understand why a few of them couldn’t make it. It meant a lot to us and it will mean a lot to Max to read the blessings and love that everyone sent his way. So we’d like to say thank you to everyone who participated in this event!
Ryan and I are not reading the blessings that everyone wrote for Maximus. We are hoping that when he turns 18 and opens the jar, he will allow us to read them with him. If anyone who hasn’t sent a blessing or thought or message to Max would like to, you are welcome to do so! We are locking the jar on Thanksgiving Day this year, so please have them to us by that date.
Here are some pictures from Max’s big day!
Max and Mommy!
The little mister!
My boys!
I love it--they have the same expressions on their faces and eyebrows!
Max and Daddy!
Mommy's friends, Kim and Chalyse!
Me, Chalyse, and Kim!
My friend, Noemi, and her mom!
Max's Cousin-Once-Removed, Amy, and his Great-Uncle Paul! I hate this relationship jargon. Max is just going to know people as cousins and aunts and uncles...
Max's Grandma and Grandpa Mann!
Max's beautiful Aunt Melissa and Uncle Cody! Mel is about five months along with her third son!
Max's Great-Grandpa and -Grandma Oleson!
Max's Grandma Michelle and Great-Grandma Leonard!
Mommy and beautiful Aunt B!
I hope Max gets a brother someday... ;-)
Max's Great-Uncle Hal, Great-Grandpa Leonard, and Grandpa Leonard.
My grandma wanted a four-generations picture... Front, left to right is Maximus Nelson, Aubrey Nelson, and Grant Leonard. Back, left to right is Robert Leonard and Judy Leonard.
Poor Max!
This is called sensory overload...
:-(
Max's Grandpa Nelson and Aunt Melissa!
Aunt B holding Max!
Sleepy head!
Maximus' cute cousins, Jaden and Nixon!
Attempts of a family picture!
Max's first time in the grass!
Max in his suit in Daddy's chair!
We stamped Max's feet on his blessing day! Since they didn't do it at the hospital, we decided that we are going to stamp all of our kids' footprints on canvas on their Blessing Days around three months of age. We missed a toe on Max's right foot... ;-)
Maximus' Blessing Jar! It's not finished... I have some ribbon to add to it and I'm hoping to find some cool letters to spell out his name in beads or charms. We're also getting a small lock for it!
The mat we had for everyone to sign!
Thank you for stopping by! I hope you all are doing well and I hope you enjoyed this post!
2 comments:
Beautiful blessings to Max for both his mom and dad! He is a very lucky little boy!
I LOVE this blessing jar idea! That will be so wonderful for him. I might have to steal the idea... also, I love his little-man suit! so so cute!
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